Selfless despair
by Kagomelaci
Summary: He only thinks about his betrayal He was just sinking in it. Or in which, Edmund is sinking into despair his siblings have long since forgiven his act of betrayal but he can't forgive himself he's sin


This had to stop and it had to stop now. Edmund was being a selfless idiot once again and it had ended up with him being injured much to the displeasure of his siblings. There had been an assassination attempt on Peter and Edmund with his hero complex had intervened at the last moment ending with his shoulder getting pierced with the enemy's sword. Edmund barely took notice of the searing pain of the stab wound as he unsheathed his sword ignoring Peter's protests of ''take it easy you're hurt, let me handle him.'' No, this man had tried to take his brother away from him injuries be damned he would give this man no mercy. Everything started out great as they took jabs at each other with swords. Although Edmund was skilled with a sword, in fact, he was so skilled that he was Narnia's greatest swordsman. On the other hand, the enemy was skilled but not nearly as skilled as the Just King his movement was lacking the vigor and energy his movements slightly sloppy and more so unaimed desperate attempts to stab him once again. The raven haired king had managed to cause the other one who was rather inexperienced many injuries and managed to only obtain the shoulder wound on his end. Just as Edmund was about to put the vile man out of his misery he pulled out a dagger something Edmund wasn't aware of and hadn't anticipated. As he brought the sword down the man swiftly plunged it into his eyes widened as he stumbled back a bit. Holding back a groan of pain that might alert Peter of the injury he finished off the man and looked at Peter expectantly.

'' Are you okay? He didn't hurt you did he?'' Peter just gave him an angry look.

''I'm fine! But you're not I know he stabbed you in the shoulder don't even try to lie.'' Seeing as there was no way out of this Edmund just sighed hopelessly ignoring his brothers look of concern who was eyeing the wound critically.

'' Look, Peter, It's not that bad I'll be fine besides I've had worse, now we should get back to Susan and Lucy before they worry about you.'' The blonde's head snapped up as he looked at Edmund.

'' You know they worry about you as well and that's not exactly comforting knowing that you've had wounds worse than this.''

''I suppose it's not'' The younger agreed chuckling softly ignoring the bout of dizziness it brought with it.'' Anyways as I said earlier we better go to Susan and Lucy.''

''Yeah I suppose so also want to lean on me so you don't strain your injury?''

''Umm no thanks'' I answered a little too quickly if I leaned on him he would find out about the stab wound on my chest and I don't want him to worry nor do I want to be a burden. I'll be fine I thought before beginning the walk to Lucy and Susan ignoring Peter's skeptical gaze as he followed.

As we got to where Lucy and Susan are I could feel the stab wound bleeding profusely. It had soaked my undershirt and armor in crimson red blood and I could feel the effects of blood loss. Would I tell Peter and bother him with something as little as this no absolutely not I refuse. As my sisters came in view I saw black begin to cloud my vision and I was unable to stop myself from staggering and hitting the ground with a dull thud.

''EDMUND!'' Peter screamed before grasping me in his arms as Lucy and Susan frantically ran to us before crouching down.

'' What happened!? Where's he hurt?'' Susan asked worriedly.

''What do you think he was being a stupid selfless idiot and gave his well being no thought, and I saw him get stabbed in the shoulder.''

Susan tried to get my shirt off to look at the shoulder wound as I protested weakly I don't want them to see the stab wound on my chest. Peter finally had enough and grasped my wrists lightly holding them down as Susan finally got my shirt off. Peter gasped as his eyes welled with tears.

''E..Edmund..''He whispered uneasily after a moment my eyelids felt heavier as if they were willing me to sleep but I fought against it determined to stay awake as long as possible.

''Lucy go get your Cordial,''Peter demanded.

''N-...no d-don't..waste it..not worth it,'' I said before my vision darkened going black.

That had been a day ago Peter thought sadly. Edmund was still alive but hasn't woken up yet due to exhaustion. Peter hasn't left his brother's side since despite everyone's constant nagging on him to do so. He just couldn't and the more he dwelled on it the more it reminded him of the first time he watched his brother die due to him thinking of himself as a sacrifice on the battlefield. That had been the first time he had ever truly been terrified he had lost his baby brother to Jadis. He had always vowed to protect Edmund from danger but in the end, he had failed countless of times because Edmund was no stranger to Lucy's cordial. He had put his life on the line so many times and more times than not rarely cared about himself.

Yesterday had only proved that and quite honestly it hurt it hurt to know that Edmund cared so little about his life that he was willing to throw it away like it meant nothing in an act of heroism. He had heard what his brother had said before he passed out and he had been so angry that his brother had told them not to use the cordial because he wasn't worth it. There was no way that they would let Edmund die.

The fact that he thought he wasn't worth it was just plain idiotic they needed Edmund, he was priceless, irreplaceable, he held them all together. Edmund was no stranger to Lucy's cordial just as he was to the pain it brought with it every time he watched his brother do this. Enough was enough though because he was setting his foot down when his brother wakes up he was getting confronted as well as a scolding. So he waited and waited until finally, his brother opened his chocolate brown eyes he missed seeing. Dark eyelashes fluttered against pale freckled skin creating a stark contrast.

''Where am I?'' He questioned warily.

'' Where does your selflessness usually get you?'' I snapped watching as Edmund's eyes blazed with anger.

'' Okay, okay I get it no need to get angry!''

That did it.

'' I believe I have a right to be angry! You don't get it, do you?Of course, you don't you don't get how worrisome and terrifying it is watching you die or get injured so much. Yet you don't even seem to care you don't care if you're dead or injured or anything really. Edmund, you don't care about yourself and honestly, that terrifies me to no end. It scares me to think that you could be gone in an instant, one moment you could be right next to me and then you'll be putting your life on the line and you'll be...''I broke off to give a choked sob'' You'll...be dead Edmund DEAD! Is that what you want?! Do you want to be buried while we all suffer because we couldn't save you? Because it sure as hell seems like it! Why didn't you tell me you were stabbed in the chest? Why do you do this to yourself? What if Lucy's cordial can't save you next time? This needs to stop Ed...I can't lose you not again.''

By the end of my statement, I was crying and Edmund was staring at me in shock.

''I-I'm sorry'' he whispered before he lowered his gaze refusing to meet my tearful blue eyes.

'' Sorry's not always good enough'' I said softly '' Can you please just tell me what runs through your mind while you do it Ed and why?''

'' I know and...I guess all I think about is how it's better me than someone else.''my eyes narrowed.

''What's that supposed to mean?'' I got no response '' Ed look at me please, what do you mean?'' He finally looked up and met my eyes.

''I mean exactly what I said I rather die than have someone else no one deserves to die.''

''And you do?'' I asked incredulously.

'' Yes Pete you don't understand I deserve it!''He shouted as tears trickled down his pale cheeks. It all made sense now.

''Oh...Edmund, you're still beating yourself up about it aren't you?'' I asked sadly before pulling him into a hug nuzzling my head into his ebony colored hair. After a few moments of silence, I decided to break the tension.

''What happened with Jadis wasn't your fault. You were young, going through a lot, she was manipulative, and my cruel treatment towards you wasn't exactly helping besides you've long since redeemed yourself so please Ed don't think like that you don't deserve to die, stop beating yourself up about what happened in the past everyone's forgiven you just need to forgive yourself.''

'' Thanks, Pete...and I'll try to forgive myself''

'' You better and Edmund for the love of god stop putting your life in danger and being so selfless you may be a hero but in the end, you're still my brother.''

Receiving no answer I looked down to see Edmund sleeping soundly. I grinned slightly in amusement, oh well I'd get it through his thick headed skull sooner or later.


End file.
